Editor's note: Another week has come and gone, and there's a lot we all probably missed. But we're looking out for you, kid. Here are the most popular stories from this past week:
1. Ewings get anxious as Dallas sets up Pamela's return. In her weekly recap, Elaine Liner says that everyone’s so tense on Dallas this season that it's no wonder Emma Ryland, the tarty equestrian played by Emma Bell, is hooked on benzos. In the second half of this week's double episode, Emma was pulled over and arrested for being higher than a penthouse pigeon.
2. Jacqueline Buckingham announces split from DMA's Maxwell L. Anderson via Facebook. In a posting that has since disappeared from her public profile, Buckingham said the former couple is "moving forward with new vows as dedicated partners in parenting, committed champions of each other as individuals, and strong supporters of each other’s careers, dreams, and life’s work." In the next breath, she announced her forthcoming book on the subject Separating into Wholeness: Revolutionary Relationships & Evolutionary Families.
3. Breastaurant tycoon's genius stuns rivals Twin Peaks and Hooters. The federal government has made a landmark decision, one that's likely to change the nation's culinary landscape forever. Doug Guller — owner of Austin-based Bikinis Sports Bar & Grill and a small town he rechristened “Bikinis, Texas” — revealed that he officially trademarked the word "breastaurant" through the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office.
4. Former SMU employee accuses human rights professor of sexually harassing students. Patricia Davis was fired from SMU in 2012, an action she alleges was in retaliation for calling out the unethical actions of Embrey Human Rights Program director Rick Halperin. The suit cites many incidents of alleged impropriety between Halperin and female students, including a co-ed "kneeling behind Halperin's desk with him." SMU declined to comment on the allegations, citing a university policy on pending litigation.
5. New Dallas speakeasy Smyth shouldn't work, but sincerity and solid drinks hold it together. Staff writer and bar hound Jonathan Rienstra wanted to hate Smyth for just about everything he'd heard about it. It’s an unmarked speakeasy next to the old Trece space. It doesn’t have a menu. Reservations are required. But for all the reasons Rienstra wanted to hate Smyth, he ended up loving it.