Micah H. from Arlington had a busy weekend. On November 9, he created a petition through Whitehouse.gov asking for Texas' peaceful secession from the United States. It has 20,120 signatures and counting.
We all know this Lone Star State schtick by now. But, just for fun, let's say it's really happening this time. Here are the six biggest changes headed to Texas when it (once again) becomes its own country:
1. Arlington is declared the new capital. This would not only pay homage to the honorable Micah H., it would allow Cowboys Stadium to become Texas' version of the White House. I'm sure Jerry Jones would draw up a very reasonable rent agreement. There's already plenty of parking, a ton of unused suites and a tour system set-up. Win-win-win.
2. Rick Perry is named interim president. It's only fitting, really. But we can't have Ricky running around forever. A proper election will be set up, pitting the state's political powerhouses of George W. Bush, Kinky Friedman, Ron Paul and Willie Nelson against each other. Our money's on Willie.
3. Militant hipsters in Austin push to annex Colorado. With recreational marijuana use approved by popular vote, Willie obliges. Plus, the Rocky Mountains make a perfect canvas for the Mount Rushmore-esque carvings to honor Davy Crockett, Chuck Norris, Pat Green and the frozen margarita.
4. The Mavs Dancers become official ambassadors. Might as well put those brand-spankin'-new-uniforms to good use on the worlds stage. As long as you don't show belly button, it's technically family-friendly attire.
5. Daniel Vaughn is named barbecue czar. Tragically, he stages a coup d'etat after Willie is spotted eating ribs with sauce.
6. We finally secure the border — to Oklahoma. The free ride's over, wind lovers.