Ladies, Avert Your Eyes
Really? Absurd phallus tricks dominate so-called sexy Halloween costumes for men
Women's Halloween hemlines seem to get shorter and shorter each year, as the bank of sexy costumes options become more and more absurd.
We can't tell yet if this is good or bad, but there has been a separate-but-equal response in the men's costume section — all seemingly created for little reason other than to draw attention to a man’s, you know, parts.
The unsubtle message "rub me" on the genie in the lamp getup ensures that your junk will get some attention during trick-or-treating.
For example, you can charm your snake and the ladies with this snake charmer costume — and just add brown face and a bindi for maximum cultural insensitivity.
And the skeleboner suit comes equipped with a hand-held air pump to help the wearer "rise to the occasion."
We have no doubt that you'll score a date while baring your sausage to the world in this longuini and meatballsapron, because who doesn't love a man who can cook?
Good luck getting close enough to dance dirty while wearing this genie in the lamp getup. Luckily, the unsubtle message "rub me" ensures that your junk will get some attention during trick-or-treating.
The hung like a horse costume leaves little to the imagination — but you'd better have something to back you up if you go around making such big claims. Carry a bayonet to appear politically informed and well-endowed.