Nuns, vampires and infections invade Big Rich Texas this week
Episode 5 of Big Rich Texas called into question the very basics of modern medicine while highlighting the fact that Google is our friend.
Since being fired from her poop-scooping job, Kalyn Braun has been ordered to return to Life’s a Pageant, her godmother Leslie Birkland’s tragically named business.
The morning she is to begin, Kalyn experiences the sudden onset of a rare disorder.
I was at home and I started feeling really bad back pain and I started screaming for Tyler to call 911. He called the ambulance and rushed me to the hospital. And once I got there they started putting IVs in me, and they gave me morphine. The doctors ran some tests and started talking about surgeries. It was awful.
Leslie doubts Kalyn is really sick so when she receives a call from Tyler reporting that Kalyn is in the ER, Leslie feels really guilty. Because Leslie isn’t immediate family, she’s unable to receive information from doctors and must rely on Kalyn to relay the diagnosis.
Basically, I have a severe kidney infection because I stress myself out too bad. It’s a combination of everything that I tried telling you. Whitney won’t leave me alone.
So, medically speaking, it’s Whitney Whatley’s fault.
When I went into the hospital the doctor informed me that kidney infections are sometimes caused by stress.
And bacteria. Did he mention bacteria?
Stress throws off your PH balance and that can cause kidney infections, urinary tract infections and a lot of other infections as well.
How about hypochondria? Delusional episodes? Promiscuity? Does it cause any of that?
Leslie feels so bad for Kalyn that, rather than Googling “kidney infection” to determine the inaccuracy of Kalyn’s account, Leslie takes her shopping and vows to defend her honor.
At Bon Blossman’s vampire-themed book release party, Leslie, who came dressed as a nun, has the chance to prove her loyalty and with all eyes on her, she reveals that Whitney is the cause of Kalyn’s hospital visit. Dr. Bon is able to squash that.
Why don’t you look that up ’cause you don’t get a UTI from stress. Bacteria does not spontaneously generate, okay?
Leslie feels silly, and viewers overwhelming support that emotion. She will have to deal with Kalyn next week. Meanwhile, Les needs to meet with producers about making her look ridiculous on national television.
Read the full recap on Reality Nation.