It’s the apology tour edition of the Friday Five, in which I tell you the five things I’m sorry about so I can start the weekend with a clean conscience, all burdens lifted from my frail heart.

1. I’m sorry, but I still don’t like Lance Armstrong.
If you’ve read much about him at all during the past decade-plus, you’ve always known he was an awful person. His attempts to destroy the lives of those (Greg LeMond’s and his wife; his former assistant) who told the truth were particularly abhorrent. So I don’t care that he doped.

I never took inspiration from his story — he beat a highly treatable form of cancer, just as many do, and his charity stopped funding cancer research years ago — so I wasn’t at all affected by his admission. But those who he sued and harassed can’t get those years back, and for them I’ll feel sorrow. Not for that craven scarecrow of a man.

2. I’m sorry, but I want to play legal poker in Dallas.
There are many reasons I, like Steve Blow, want Texas voters to have a say in legalizing gambling. For one, because I think it will pass if they’re allowed the vote. Two, passing means I don’t have to drive to Oklahoma to play poker, because I would never play in illegal home games now. [Insert winking emoticon here.]

Three, because even though Steve Blow says he personally doesn’t like casinos, I give him three months before he’s pulling all-nighters on the slots. Just a hunch.

3. I’m sorry, but I don’t feel sorry for university presidents who are giving free tuition to veterans.
Quick background: There is this law, the Hazlewood Act, that lets veterans get free state tuition at college. It also passes on those benefits (to a point) to offspring. Now, university presidents are complaining because their schools are in budget crunches.

First, many higher-ed schools have funding problems because they’re not adapting to the new online world, and the free market (private companies or forward-thinking schools) are kicking their asses. Second, it’s not a complete drain: Students don’t pay tuition but do buy everything else (housing, books, food, etc.) and do count toward “formula funding,” which is the way the state computes how much it gives to each university or college (which can run 25 to 50 percent of tuition).

It’s a good program, the budget problems are largely of the school’s making and veterans shouldn’t pay the cost of university leaders’ short-sightedness.

4. I’m sorry, but State Sen. Wendy Davis, who says she may one day (but not now) run for governor, is not unattractive.
Why are we, as a nation, just now realizing this?

5. I’m sorry, but I agree with the Dallas Morning News editorial board on teachers and guns.
I know, I hate it when that happens too. But this editorial, saying that arming teachers is a bad idea, is spot-on. I’ve never had a problem with the idea we have police in schools — DISD has them, and there was always an officer at Booker T. when my daughter went there. But I recall a conversation I recently had with an undercover cop, who says that even those people who go to shooting ranges would piss themselves if someone actually came at them with a gun.

He mentioned the time someone ran at him shooting. While the cop got off clean shots as he was trained to do, it was only because his partner — who was firing at the same time — hit the gunman in the head that his life was saved. And that cop trains for those situations every day. Harrumph.

Retweets

Giggle.

He regrets speaking the truth? The liberals got to him! #actualreply

I never took inspiration from Lance Armstrong's story, so I don't care that he doped.

Lancearmstrong.com

I never took inspiration from Lance Armstrong's story, so I don't care that he doped.