Life Advice

Emotional Hardbody answers: If a friend thinks her husband isn't on Facebook, do you tell her he is?

Editor's note: For the fourth installment of Christina Pesoli's new advice column, Emotional Hardbody takes a social media quandary between coworkers.

Dear Emotional Hardbody,

I am friends with someone named “Jenny.” Jenny and I work together, and while I don’t think of us as besties or anything, I do consider her more than just a coworker. Once or twice during the workweek we’ll have coffee or lunch together, but we don’t really see each other outside of the office.

Jenny is one of those people who is not on Facebook. She told me she and her husband “Carl” made a pact to both stay off of it. It’s not that they’re philosophically opposed to it or anything. It’s just that they decided this was something they weren’t going to do for now.

The other night when I was on Facebook, I noticed that Carl has a Facebook page. I cannot read his wall or any of his posts because we are not “friends,” but I can tell from his profile photo that it is clearly him. I am now worried that Carl is up to no good behind Jenny’s back. Should I tell her?

Signed,

Worried

Dear Worried,

Given what Jenny told you, I can understand why discovering that Carl is on Facebook raises a question in your mind. But you’re getting ahead of yourself when it comes to what question this should raise.

Think of it this way: If Jenny told you on Friday that she was flying to Miami on Saturday but then you saw her car in the mall parking lot on Sunday, it would raise a question in your mind. But the question would be “Why was your car in the mall parking lot on Sunday?” not “Who stole your car?”

Asking a simple question doesn’t cross any lines; it’s actually the friendly thing to do.

So, coming across Carl’s Facebook profile should make you ask, “Why does Carl have a Facebook page?” not “Why is Carl up to no good?”

People can have Facebook pages for a variety of reasons. Maybe Carl’s is for business and Jenny is fully aware of it, but Jenny and Carl’s pact had to do with Facebook pages for personal use.

Or it could be Carl had a Facebook page before Jenny and Carl made their agreement, and he doesn’t use it anymore. Or perhaps someone set up a Facebook page for Carl as a joke. Or there’s a chance someone is in the process of stealing Carl’s identity. Or there’s a possibility Carl is up to no good. Or maybe there’s another reason all together.

The only way to find out the answer is to ask the question. And if you feel like phrasing it as a question is somehow accusatory, simply phrase it as a statement like this: “Hey, I noticed that Carl has a Facebook page.” If you want to lighten it up, you can always add, “I guess that means it’s ‘game on’ for you!”

Asking a simple question doesn’t cross any lines; it’s actually the friendly thing to do. But thinking that your friend’s husband is up to no good without a solid reason, or not bothering to mention to your friend that you’ve come across something that raises a serious question in your mind? You know how the saying goes. With friends like that ...

Yours,

Emotional Hardbody

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Got a hard question? Get an Emotional Hardbody answer. Email your questions to Christina, and you could be featured in an upcoming article.

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Daring to care

Kindhearted Plano ranks among the 10 most caring cities in America

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Plano is one of the happiest and most caring places to be.

Plano has some of the kindest, most generous residents in the country. So says a new report that ranks the Dallas suburb the No. 10 most caring city in the United States.

The personal finance website WalletHub compared 100 of the most populated U.S. cities across 38 metrics across three key dimensions for its study, "Most Caring Cities in America (2025)". They include caring for the local community, caring for the vulnerable, and caring in the workforce.

The north Dallas suburb made a big leap over its 2023 ranking as the No. 17 most caring American city.

Out of the three main categories, Plano performed the best for its "caring for the community" rank (No. 8), which was determined based on the city's crime rates, the civic engagement of its residents, the share of a household's income donated to charity, and more.

Plano also cares for its community in other ways, whether it's through maintaining its long-held family-friendly reputation or by maintaining a pristine park system. All of these reasons contribute to why so many people are choosing to live in the second-happiest city in the nation.

Plano also ranked fairly well in the overall "caring for the vulnerable" category (No. 12), which covers child and adult poverty rates, adoption rates, availability of paid family leave, the number of rehab centers per capita, pet shelters and rescue services, and the "disability-friendliness" of employers.

Plano still has plenty of work to do when it comes to caring for its workforce, however, as the city ranked No. 71 out of all 100 U.S. cities. This metric focused on the number of first responders, healthcare professionals, teachers, and counselors per capita.

WalletHub analyst Chip Lupo says there are many factors that make cities like Plano a true "caring" and supportive place for its residents.

"The most caring cities donate a lot of money to charity and have high volunteer rates, but being a caring city overall requires much more than just giving time or money," Lupo said. "In addition, the top cities have low crime rates, environmentally-friendly residents and low rates of poverty and homelessness."

But small steps are important, too. Community care is as simple as helping an elderly neighbor unload groceries from their car, keeping a vigilant eye out for porch pirates or suspicious activity, and spending quality time with loved ones.

Plano was once again the highest ranked Texas city in WalletHub's list. Other North Texas cities that earned spots in the report include Irving (No. 36), Garland (No. 39), Fort Worth (No. 54), Arlington (No. 58), and Dallas (No. 77).

Elsewhere in Texas, Austin ranked No. 45, while San Antonio (No. 89) and Houston (No. 91) barely skirted onto the list.

The top 10 most caring U.S. cities, according to WalletHub, are:

No. 1 – Virginia Beach, Virginia
No. 2 – Scottsdale, Arizona
No. 3 – Boston, Massachusetts
No. 4 – Gilbert, Arizona
No. 5 – Chesapeake, Virginia
No. 6 – Fremont, California
No. 7 – San Diego, California
No. 8 – Madison, Wisconsin
No. 9 – Colorado Springs, Colorado
No. 10 – Plano, Texas

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