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    tough questions

    Emotional Hardbody answers: How to keep sister's squeeze from souring family gatherings

    Christina Pesoli
    Mar 16, 2013 | 2:30 pm

    Editor's note: For the fifth installment of Christina Pesoli's new advice column, Emotional Hardbody takes on an unusual family dilemma.

    Dear Emotional Hardbody,

    My sister “Samantha” (who is single) is having an affair with “Chad,” a married man. This has been going on for years now. In her mind, she considers herself to be in a regular relationship with him. She thinks Chad is her boyfriend and is not at all conflicted about the fact that Chad’s wife and children apparently have no idea what’s going on. Chad and Samantha go out to dinner and on occasional weekend trips, and Chad buys her gifts, all with money that would otherwise be deposited into his family’s coffers.

    Samantha and I have had plenty of talks (okay, most of them were more argument than conversation) about this, but she refuses to take responsibility for what she’s doing — to herself or to his family. I have accepted the fact that she is an adult (though not a responsible or ethical one) and understand that I cannot make her change her ways.

    The whole situation has taken a toll on our relationship and we are no longer close like we used to be. I still, however, try to be a good aunt and godmother to my niece and nephew (Samantha’s kids from a previous marriage, age 7 and 9, respectively).

    But now Samantha and Chad have taken things to another level. My niece’s birthday was last weekend, and Samantha invited family and friends to dinner at her house to celebrate. About 30 minutes after the party started, Chad showed up. He just walked in the house like he owned the place.

    He gave Samantha a kiss, greeted my niece and nephew in a way that made clear that he was familiar with them, and sat down at the table like he was king of the castle. My mom popped up and asked him if she could fix him a plate. I couldn’t believe my eyes.

    I made it through the meal but left as soon as we had birthday cake. I didn’t want to penalize my niece by injecting negative vibes into her birthday party, but I really couldn’t relax and enjoy myself with Chad there. I kept wanting to ask him how (and where) his wife and kids were. When I later asked my mom about the whole thing, she said “It’s not Christian to judge,” and Samantha seemed happy and that’s all that mattered to her.

    So, my problem is this: I don’t consider myself to be the morality police or anything and God knows I’m no goody two shoes, but I do not want to socialize with this guy. If he is now going to be welcome at my family’s get-togethers, then where does that leave me? And how do I maintain my relationship with my niece and nephew?

    Signed,

    Squeezed out by my sister's squeeze

    Dear Squeezed,

    I don’t blame you for not wanting to go to get-togethers that include Chad (unless they also included Chad’s wife and kids, but that would be awkward for a whole different set of reasons). In all seriousness, when something wrong is clearly happening and everyone else is acting like things are A-okay, it can make for a really weird experience. It’s not hard to think of more pleasant ways to spend an evening — including scrubbing the bathroom.

    Although you can’t dictate how your sister lives her life or whom she invites to her house, you can control what you do. Tell your family that you are not cool with kicking it with Chad. So, if they are going to have get-togethers that include him, there is no need to also invite you. Then start hosting family get-togethers at your house where you can be in charge of the guest list. That way, you can still see your family, but you can avoid being put in the position of appearing to tacitly approve of Samantha and Chad's creepy “relationship” or even just having to try to choke down food while appetite-spoiling Chad is around.

    When it comes to your niece and nephew, you can maintain your relationship with them by doing things away from their house. Invite them to spend the afternoon playing at the park, working on a project at your house, or going to a movie. No need to preface any of this with a lecture about why you are not coming over to their house anymore. The new routine will communicate the message of where you stand without your having to say anything at all. This approach should prevent your sister’s squeeze from souring your relationship with your sweet niece and nephew.

    Happy lemonade making!

    Emotional Hardbody

    unspecified
    news/city-life

    Pestilence News

    New invasive pest in Texas is destroying grasses and pasture

    Teresa Gubbins
    Dec 12, 2025 | 10:14 am
    Mealyworm
    TAMU
    Mealyworm is small but damaging.

    Texas Agriculture Commissioner Sid Miller has issued an urgent alert to farmers to inspect their pastures for a newly detected and highly damaging pest: the pasture mealybug (Helicococcus summervillei).

    According to a release from the Department of Agriculture (TDA), this invasive species, never before reported in North America, has been confirmed in multiple Texas counties and is already causing significant damage to pasture acreage across the southeast portion of the state.

    The pasture mealybug causes “pasture dieback,” leaving expanding patches of yellowing, weakened, and ultimately dead turf.

    This pest was first detected in Australia in 1928; its first detection in the Western Hemisphere occurred in the Caribbean between 2019 and 2020.

    The TDA is working with Texas A&M AgriLife Extension and USDA’s Animal and Plant Health Inspection Service (APHIS) to coordinate a rapid response and protect Texas producers.

    Mealybug history
    Although the mealybug is just now being spotted, researchers suspect it may have been introduced before 2022.

    Since mid-April 2025, southern Texas pasture and hay producers have been reporting problems in their fields. These fields show grass patches becoming brown or necrotic, or patches that are completely dead. Originally, it was presumed that symptoms were caused by another mealybug called the Rhodes grass mealybug, which has been reported in the U.S. since 1942. However, further investigations confirm that it's this new pasture mealybug (Heliococcus summervillei).

    It has devastated millions of acres of grazing land in Australia and has since spread globally. Its rapid reproduction, hidden soil-level feeding, and broad host range make it a significant threat to pasture health and livestock operations.

    Mealybug MealybugTAMU

    Adult females are approximately 2-5 mm long, covered in a white, waxy coating. They are capable of producing nearly 100 offspring within 24 hours, resulting in several generations per season. While adult females can live for up to 100 days, most damage is inflicted by the youngest nymphs, which feed on plant sap and inject toxic saliva that causes grass to yellow, weaken, and die.

    “This is a completely new pest to our continent, and Texas is once again on the front lines,” Commissioner Miller says. “If the pasture mealybug spreads across Texas grazing lands like it has in eastern Australia, it could cost Texas agriculture dearly in lost productivity and reduced livestock capacity. TDA is working hand-in-hand with federal and university partners to respond swiftly and protect our producers from this unprecedented threat.”

    Houston has a problem
    The estimated impact area currently covers 20 counties, primarily in the Houston area, including: Cameron, Hidalgo, Willacy, Refugio, Calhoun, Victoria, Goliad, Dewitt, Lavaca, Fayette, Jackson, Matagorda, Brazoria, Galveston, Wharton, Colorado, Austin, Washington, Burleson, Brazos, and Robertson. AgriLife entomologists have submitted a formal Pest Incident Worksheet documenting significant damage to pastures and hayfields in Victoria County.

    Research trials are underway to determine the best integrated pest management options. Currently, there is no known effective labeled insecticide for pasture mealybug.

    Affected plants include: Bermudagrass, Bahia grass, Johnsongrass, hay grazer (sorghum–sudangrass), St. Augustine grass, various bluestem species, and other tropical or subtropical grasses. Damage can occur in leaves, stems, and roots.

    Symptoms:


    • Yellowing and discoloration of leaves within a week of infestation
    • Purpling or reddening of foliage
    • Stunted growth and drought stress despite rainfall
    • Poorly developed root systems
    • Dieback starting at leaf tips and progressing downward
    • Premature aging, making plants more vulnerable to pathogens
    How to spot it
    • Scout regularly for mealybugs on grass leaves, stems, soil surface, leaf litter, and under cow patties
    • Focus on unmanaged areas such as fence lines, ungrazed patches, and roadsides
    • Look for fluffy, white, waxy, or “fuzzy” insects on blades and stems
    • If plants appear unhealthy and insects match this description, investigate further

    “Early identification is critical, and we need every producer’s eyes on the ground,” Commissioner Miller added. “We are working diligently with our federal and state partners to determine how to best combat this novel threat and stop it in its tracks.”

    If you observe suspicious symptoms or insects matching the descriptions above, contact TDA at 1-800-TELL-TDA immediately.

    nature
    news/city-life

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