Emotional Hardbody Answers

Should an ex-wife give relationship advice to her former husband's new girlfriend?

Editor's note: For the next installment of Christina Pesoli's advice column, Emotional Hardbody takes on an unusual request for relationship advice.

Dear Emotional Hardbody,

My ex-husband Bruce and I were married for seven years (no kids) and have been divorced for four years. We’re not best friends or anything, but I definitely don’t hate him. Although he wasn’t the guy for me, he’s a nice enough guy.

Bruce has been dating Julie for about a year now. Julie and I didn’t know each other before, but it turns out we have a mutual friend, so there’s kind of a connection there. I’ve met her a couple of times, and I like her.

The other day Julie sent me a Facebook message out of the blue asking me for background information on Bruce. The email took me by surprise — especially because Julie and I are not otherwise in touch. She said that while her relationship with Bruce is great in many ways, there is one major stumbling block. She would like to get married some day, but Bruce has told her that he is anti-marriage. Bruce says he can see them staying together forever, but it won't involve a walk down the aisle.

She thought since I was married to Bruce I might have some inside intelligence on his views on the topic. The thing is, Bruce always told me he was anti-marriage too, but he changed his mind.

Should I tell her to bail or should I tell her to hang in there on the chance he might change his mind like he did with me? I don’t want her to end up wasting time as a result of my advice, but I also don’t want to appear like I’m undermining their relationship.

Signed,

I just want to be helpful

Dear Helpful,

Before we craft a solution, let’s recap the problem:

Your ex has told his current girlfriend that because he is anti-marriage, getting hitched is not an option.
She has asked you whether you have any inside intelligence.
You want to know whether you should tell her to bail or hang in there.

The answer to your question — should you tell Julie to bail or hang in there — is none of the above. Julie didn’t ask you to tell her what to do; she only asked you to share information. In other words, she wants data not life coaching.

And that totally takes you out of the hot seat.

The real questions for you are these: Are you comfortable sharing with Julie the backstory of your relationship with Bruce? Do you feel doing so would be unfair to Bruce? These are personal questions that only you can answer. The answer to the first one depends on your personality. The second question can best be answered by thinking about how you would feel if the roles were reversed and your current boyfriend asked Bruce for inside intel on you.

If you’re not comfortable sharing your experience with Julie, send her a friendly but honest reply saying exactly that. But if you’re okay with filling her in and you don’t feel it would be a jerky thing to do to Bruce, then limit your answer to facts and not advice.

You’re in a position to tell Julie what happened in your relationship with Bruce, but you’re not in a position to tell her what to do in her relationship with Bruce. You are you and Julie is Julie. And just as you’ve likely changed as a result of living 11 more years, getting married and getting a divorce, Bruce presumably has too.

But having said that, any explanation of what caused Bruce to change his mind about getting married to you would be illuminating for Julie. An about-face that came after his mother died leaving him bereft paints one picture; a change of heart after your mother died leaving you a fortune paints quite another. And this information isn’t just relevant to Bruce’s view on marriage, it speaks to Bruce’s character too.

At the end of the day, Julie will have to mull over any data she gets from you along with myriad other factors and reach her own conclusion.

And Julie, in case you’re reading this, my advice is to take Bruce at his word. Then make your decision based on whether you can stay with him — not necessarily happily ever after, but at least happily for now — knowing that wedding bells are not in your future.

Forever yours,

Emotional Hardbody

unspecified

population explosion

7 booming Dallas neighbors see biggest population growth in U.S.

City of Denton, TX - City Hall/Facebook

Denton had the biggest population growth rate in Dallas-Fort Worth from 2022 to 2023.

Denton, Mansfield, McKinney, and more North Texas cities are among the fastest-growing places in the country, according to a new population growth study by SmartAsset.

The report, "These Cities Saw the Largest Growth in Population – 2024 Study," examined U.S. Census population estimates for 2023, 2022, and 2018 to determine one-year and five-year population changes for 610 U.S. cities with populations of at least 65,000 residents in 2023 (where the most recent data was available).

Silver Spring, Maryland had the No. 1 biggest population boom nationwide from 2022 to 2023, SmartAsset found. The Washington, D.C. suburb grew 12.86 percent year-over-year, bringing the city's total population from 75,313 to 84,996 residents in 2023.

Denton took the lead over all other Dallas-Fort Worth cities with the 16th-largest one-year population growth rate in the U.S., at 5.32 percent. Denton gained over 8,000 residents from 2022 to 2023, bringing the city's total population to 158,361 in 2023.

This should come as no surprise to those who already live in Denton, who may know their hometown was ranked one of the safest suburbs in America.

Mansfield trailed close behind with a 4.16 percent increase in population during that same period, which landed it the No. 26 spot in the one-year population change analysis. The city gained 3,189 new residents in that time, adding up to a total population of 79,775 residents in 2023.

McKinney appeared farther down the list as No. 49 with just a 2.89 percent one-year growth rate from 2022 to 2023, and a total population of 213,504 residents.

Only four other Dallas-Fort Worth cities appeared in the top 100 fastest growing cities in the U.S. from 2022 to 2023:

No. 61 – Frisco (2.48 percent increase)
No. 72 – Rowlett (2.48 percent)
No. 73 – Lewisville (2.17 percent)
No. 99 – Flower Mound (1.73 percent)

The report suggested major population shifts in communities like Denton or Mansfield can result in "a variety of interwoven economic and social impacts."

"The magnitude of the population change can affect demand for businesses and services, which in turn may impact costs – or even the availability of such amenities," the report's author wrote. "Similarly, the relative age of the population can determine the strength or weakness of the local job market, as well as have an impact on local culture, economic trajectory, tax base and more."

Fast-growing cities elsewhere in Texas
Texas cities dominated the top 10 list of cities where population grew the most from 2022 to 2023.

New Braunfels, a San Antonio suburb, ranked No. 2 nationally with an 12.49 percent one-year population boom, and a 29.68 percent growth rate from 2018 to 2023. The city gained 12,318 new residents in that time, adding up to a total population of 110,961 residents in 2023.

Just two spots behind New Braunfels is the North Austin suburb of Georgetown (No. 4), which grew 11.34 percent to 96,317 residents in 2023. According to the report's five-year population change analysis, Georgetown ranked seventh with a 29.85 percent growth rate.

The Houston suburbs of Atascocita and Conroe ranked No. 5 and No. 9, respectively. Atascocita's total population grew to 119,502 residents in 2023, which represented a 11.03 percent growth rate from 2022, and a whopping 38.56 percent population increase since 2018. Conroe's 6.73 percent one-year population increase paled in comparison, but the city grew 23.49 percent during the five-year period from 2018 to 2023.

The top 10 U.S. cities where population grew the most from 2022 to 2023 are:

No. 1 – Silver Spring, Maryland
No. 2 – New Braunfels, Texas
No. 3 – Glen Burnie, Maryland
No. 4 – Georgetown, Texas
No. 5 – Atascocita, Texas
No. 6 – Pine Hills, Florida
No. 7 – Elgin, Illinois
No. 8 – Lehi, Utah
No. 9 – Conroe, Texas
No. 10 – Dale City, Virginia

population growth reports smartasset dallas fort worth denton suburbs mansfield