Apparently you have to be willing to risk your life to marry Sean Lowe. I suppose that’s one way to narrow down the dating pool: Kill them off.
Sure, it’s no secret that this bachelor likes adventurous, spontaneous women. But The Bachelor is starting to feel more like Survivor.
This week the gang is in Canada. Where it is freezing. But that doesn’t stop the girls from whipping out their bikinis! But before those bikinis come out, Sean takes Catherine on their first one-on-one date.
After canoeing Lake Louise, the group ends up on a beach. But instead of crackling fires and cocktails, they see a tent, an EMT and a lifeguard.
He picks her up in an enormous snow bus, which he is driving, of course. Then they go play on a glacier in Jasper National Park. “I want someone who can embrace the moment and have fun and just enjoy life,” Sean says. Yeah, we got that.
Catherine likes that he’s a rugged manly man. “I can’t imagine not falling in love with him,” she says. Cue the drinking game.
The couple ends up in an ice castle, constructed just for them. These dates are so ridiculously over-the-top that the people are inconsequential, aren’t they? Doesn’t matter who the bachelor is; Catherine would fall for him.
And vice versa, probably. “I can see myself with Catherine,” Sean says. Drink!
This date changes Sean’s outlook after last week’s drama. So off to Lake Louise they go, to canoe in the crystal-clear turquoise waters, with snow-capped mountains in the background. Seriously, the scenery is pretty spectacular.
The group ends up on a beach. But instead of crackling fires and cocktails, they see a tent, an EMT and a lifeguard. That’s right, ladies! You’re going to join the elite Polar Bear Plunge club. So slip into those bikinis and run into those glacier-fed waters. Make sure you get your head wet. Otherwise it doesn’t count!
You don’t have to do it, Sean tells them. But he would like them to. Lindsay needs no encouragement. She’s outdoorsy, man. And Lesley will do whatever it takes for her man. “I’m gonna get hypothermia for a rose,” she says. “I’m totally fine with that.”
Because Desiree didn’t have to do the Polar Bear Plunge, she must instead rappel down the side of a cliff to get her picnic lunch. “If anything goes wrong, you’re dropping to your death,” she says.
Selma is the only one not swayed by his pleas. Good girl. “We come from the desert,” says the Baghdad-born beauty. “We are warm-weather people. Call me a princess. I don’t care.”
We know there is going to be an emergency, and not just because we’ve seen 100 teasers. But, yes, after being the first one in and the first one out, Tierra needs medical attention. She can’t breathe. She’s folded over. She looks miserable.
“I feel terrible,” Sean says.
Naturally, the other girls believe it’s an act. “Once again the ambulance is called,” Lindsay says later. “Tierra couldn’t handle it.”
“There’s a pattern here,” says AshLee, the personal organizer from Houston. “Tierra is very good at getting attention. I believe she’s faking it.”
True that, AshLee. Tierrable does know how to work this system. “I’m always getting hurt around you!” Tierra says to Sean, who comes to visit her in her hotel room. She is hooked up to oxygen.
“You keep managing to find ways to get one-on-one time with me,” he retorts, while they lie in bed together.
Sean tells her to stay put, to get some rest, but she can’t resist going to the party anyway. She can’t feel her feet. But Tierra the Honey Badger don’t care.
When Tierra walks in, the girls have a hard time hiding their irritation. “She is a professional at getting attention,” Lesley says. “Everyone, watch your back. We have a Tierrorist on our hands.” Oh, snap!
Fortunately or unfortunately, this night the drama stays at a low simmer. The next day, Sean takes out Desiree for their second one-on-one. This irritates the women almost as much as Tierra does. Almost.
Because Desiree didn’t have to do the Polar Bear Plunge, she must instead rappel down the side of a cliff to get her picnic lunch. It is steep and slippery. She is understandably nervous. “If anything goes wrong, you’re dropping to your death,” she says. But she handles it like a champ.
This one stays alive, so now Sean must do the dirty work himself and actually decide who goes. He doesn’t make one-armed Sarah suffer through the rose ceremony. He knows she’s not the one, so he sends her home. Perhaps it was the unsolicited sharing of family photos that did her in? (At least it wasn’t a full-on scrapbook.)
At the rose ceremony, Sean is happy again. No more doubts! He keeps Tierra but rejects Daniella and beautiful Selma, who risks shaming her Iranian family to give Sean a little smooch on national TV.
“I just was overcome with a sense of clarity,” Sean says to the remaining women. “And I knew that you six were the six for me. I’m so optimistic about where this going.”
Sit with that for a minute. And then go ahead and cackle.
Sean breaks it to the girls that they are about to get into their bikinis and jump into glacier-fed waters.
Super Bowl FanFest is coming.
Cosm Dallas