Show of hands. Who likes beer? Sorry. What we mean is, who craves beer? Wants to bathe in it? Wishes it were winter so you could make it into ice blocks and skate on it and melt it in the springtime and drink it?

You still with us? Großartig! Uh, we mean, great. Because the 25th annual Addison Oktoberfest is upon us. And it will, we believe, include some beer.

Oktoberfest is like St. Patrick’s Day when it comes to celebrating your lineage. You may have to go back eight generations to find an uncle named Hans, but you can act like you’re fresh off the boat from Germany, and nobody will call you on it — mostly because they’ll be drunk and claiming they were born on the Cliffs of Moher. Stier Scheiße.

Because it’s a tad late to book a flight to Munich, your best bet is to strap on some lederhosen and head to the 30,000-square-foot Schloss Addison tent, where traditional Oktoberfest music will help you establish your chugging rhythm in between funneling heaping mounds of German food into your gourd.

There’s more food than you can shake a strudel at. Like an item called “any German sausage on a stick.” Any German sausage, people. The world is your casing, and the fillings are endless. (Editor’s note: There may not be an endless variety of sausages.)

Although schnitzel and sauerkraut and bratwurst and strudel are staples of Deutschland, our money is going to the doner kebap. Not only do Germans eat these Turkish wraps almost as often as they eat sausages, but kebaps also are the best drunk snack. Fact.

But back to the important things: das bier. Like the best things in life — stooges, celebrity deaths, blind mice — the beer list comes in threes: Spaten Premium Lager, Spaten Oktoberfest and Franziskaner Hefe Weiss. Those are considered “good” beers, ja?

You can get these brews in 16-ounce plastic cups, but if you don’t want to be laughed at, order your beer in a stein. We don’t even know why we mentioned the plastic cups. Maybe you don’t like beer that much, and we’re just wasting our time here. Maybe you enjoy wine instead. Whatever. It’s fine.

Final bit of advice: Wear comfortable clothes, because nobody loses weight at Oktoberfest. It starts Thursday, September 20, at 6 pm and goes until Sunday, September 23, at 5 pm. Coupons are $1 each; tickets vary between $5 and $10, depending on the day and time; and all the other information is here because we have to go exercise before we eat 30 pounds of roasted pork shank on a bed of sauerkraut.