Football fantasies
Tony Romo as Mother Teresa and other Halloween costume ideas for the DallasCowboys
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By outpacing his touchdown throws with interceptions, Tony Romo is as charitableas Mother Teresa.Illustration by Ben Humeniuk -
Like Kenobi, Jason Witten is a proud and noble warrior.Illustration by Ben Humeniuk -
Jason Garrett’s cerebral approach seems to lack heavy emotion as though he werea cyborg.Illustration by Ben Humeniuk
Halloween is upon us, and chances are you or someone you know is scrambling to find a costume. Because it’s the middle of the NFL season, we figured the Dallas Cowboys didn’t have time to think about Halloween costumes, so we decided to help them brainstorm.
Tony Romo: Mother Teresa
Being charitable is a wonderful quality. Romo has apparently taken that to heart. He has been very charitable with the ball, giving it away multiple times this season. Maybe Romo should be more like Gordon Gekko on the field.
DeMarco Murray: The Three Little Pigs
Poor DeMarco Murray. He wants to run, but the shelter that is his offensive line keeps getting blown down around him. Maybe that means he should just be two of the little pigs, because he hasn’t found his house made of brick yet.
Dez Bryant: Bart Simpson
He’s definitely the troublemaker of the family.
Jason Witten: Obi Wan Kenobi
Like Kenobi, Witten is a proud and noble warrior. He’s also aging and losing his effectiveness. The Cowboys would be wise to find a young fresh Jedi whom Witten can tutor. They drafted Martellus Bennett to do that, but he turned out to be more like Jar Jar Binks.
Kevin Ogletree: American Idol contestant
Ogletree had his big moment in the first game of the season against the Giants. His luster has worn off.
Tyron Smith: Marylin Munster
Much like the beautiful blonde niece of the Munster family, Smith is the only member of the Cowboys offensive line that can show himself in public without getting ridiculed.
Felix Jones: a disco ball
At one point, disco was hugely popular. Then people wanted nothing to do with it. Also, like a disco ball, Jones seems to shatter whenever he’s hit hard (Jones’ performance against the Ravens notwithstanding).
DeMarcus Ware: The Big Bad Wolf
A costume to pair with DeMarco Murray’s, Ware is the only Cowboy who can consistently blow other teams’ houses down with his pass rush.
Morris Claiborne and Brandon Carr: EMT workers
The two cornerbacks were brought in to revive a dying Dallas pass defense. They’ve done an admirable job so far, but nearly lost the patient in the game against Chicago.
Sean Lee: Crash Test Dummy
Lee is a great player, but that hit by Golden Tate of Seattle is what most people think of when they hear his name.
Jason Garrett: Robocop
Or is it Robocoach? Garrett’s cerebral approach seems to lack heavy emotion as though he were a cyborg.
Jerry Jones: Roman Emperor Nero
Unfair? Possibly. This franchise used to be the pride of the league. Now Jones could fiddle because it seems to be burning to the ground in terms of on-field success.
Happy Halloween, everyone! Let’s hope for a treat — not a trick — from the Cowboys this weekend.
