Love Stinks

5 ways to have infinitely more fun than those stupid couples on Valentine's Day

5 ways to have more fun than those stupid couples on Valentine's Day

Anti-Valentine's Day
Anti-Valentine's Day is the better way to spend February 14 because candy hearts taste like chalk.   Photo by Jackie/Flickr

Valentine's Day is an exclusionary holiday, which, frankly, is some crap. I have a date this year — waits for applause — but for many years, I did not. From those cold February days came a distaste for Cupid and Hallmark and an appreciation for the Anti-Valentine's Day experience. 

And for those of you out there who are spending February 14 alone, take solace in the fact that you will not have to spend money on an expensive dinner or overpriced underwear. No, instead, you get a Saturday, where you can do one of two things: feel sorry for yourself or have fun with it. 

Fifty Shades of Grey for one, please
The Twilight fan fiction turned bestseller is getting the cinematic treatment with a release on Valentine's Eve, but the real magic will be at the Saturday evening showings. Revel in the complete lack of chemistry between Jamie Dornan and Dakota Johnson, the fanatical housewives whose husbands never got their knot-tying badge in Boy Scouts and the faint scent of cat dander. At least the soundtrack looks good.

Treat Yo Self
Clothes. Fragrances. Massages. Mimosas. Fine leather goods. Treat Yo Self isn't just a Parks and Rec joke; it's a way of life. What better way to spend Cupid's Saturday than on yourself? You don't need someone else to buy you a mani-pedi or a deep-tissue massage. Go buy that shirt you've been eyeing and match it with some dope pants. This is all about you, and you deserve to treat yo self.

Go to Cliff's Bar & Grill
Okay, so I'm cribbing this one from last year's Anti-Valentine's Day planner when I recommended The Loon, but listen: Just as The Loon rose from the ashes to become the phoenix that is Cliff's, you can move from the realm of dateless misery to toasted indifference. The space might be totally different, but Cliff's whiskey Cokes are a liquid memory of all the good times you've shared. And, unlike your ex, you'll be more than happy to take them back.

Netflix is the friend that never leaves
The streaming service added all 10 seasons of Friends on January 1. So what if you've already seen all the episodes on Nick at Nite and know that "The One With The Secret Closet" was the 14th episode of the eighth season? Get nested with a day's worth of junk food, start from season one, and if you stay committed, you'll be well past the one where Ross and Rachel take a break. See, everyone has rough patches.

Pub golf!
Round up some single friends and do a pub crawl the way it was meant to be done: with a scoring system that encourages drinking a lot. The best part about this is you can play with as few as two people, but a foursome or more is where the party gets going as you chug your way to the lowest round. Plus, friends bring new friends, and with alcohol on your side, you might just end Anti-Valentine's Day a little less single (at least for the night).