Editor's note: There's so much that's beautiful, funny, smart and informative on the Internet. Problem is, there's also a bunch of garbage. Here's the best of the web right now:
1. J.J. Watt is a goddamn lying clownfraud. The Houston Texan star said he was going to live in a "no frills" log cabin to train this offseason. As someone who has actually lived in a no-frills cabin in the middle of nowhere, I must conclude that J.J. Watt is a goddamn lying clownfraud.
2. National Grammar Day was March 4, so MentalFloss looks at the 11 best uses of bad grammar from The Simpsons. I don't see what the issue is with most of them; they're perfectly cromulent.
3. Honest Game Trailers takes Clash of Clans to task for being a huge waste of time. After more than a year on my phone, the game met a swift deletion the other week, and now there's so much time in my day for all the other games on my phone.
4. A couple of people living in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, are looking to create a Nancy Kerrigan and Tonya Harding 1994 museum in their apartment's hallway. Is it real? Is it all a joke? Either way, hipsters, man.
5. The Arizona Diamondbacks have created a churro hot dog. They're putting a churro inside an éclair and topping it with ice cream and whipped cream and chocolate sauce and you just got diabetes.