Indestructible Snack Food

The best reason to celebrate the return of the Twinkie

The best reason to celebrate the return of the Twinkie

Good news, America. The Twinkie, that devilishly delicious snack food, is making its triumphant return to gas stations and finer food stores everywhere. But there’s even more good news. 

The Twinkie (which was purchased by two private equity firms after Hostess went bankrupt) is better than ever. How can this be, you ask? Because the chiefs  — or some guys in white lab coats — have figured out a way to extend its shelf life.

 Nobody will disclose the change in the recipe that extends a Twinkie’s shelf life. But I’m hoping it’s done artificially. 

This begs two very important questions. One, who buys a Twinkie to eat later? Two, what did they do to make the scrumptious concoction go from a 26-day shelf life to lasting a whopping 45 days? 

To be fair, the longer shelf life isn't exactly new. Hostess introduced the new-and-improved Twinkies last year, but those were made about a week before the company ceased operations. 

Nobody will disclose the change in the recipe that extends a Twinkie’s shelf life; they claim that information is propriety. (Do you think Snowden or the NSA can tell us?) But I’m hoping it’s done artificially so as not to effect its yummy goodness.

Either way, it’s a huge victory for America, which was recently replaced as the most obese nation in the western hemisphere by Mexico. Let us all savor the self-proclaimed “Sweetest Comeback in the History of Ever."

Hostess Twinkies
Twinkies return to shelves July 15. Hostess/Facebook
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