Real Housewives of Dallas serve up Frito pie and side eye

Sondheim’s “Ladies Who Lunch” may drink as many cocktails as the Real Housewives of Dallas, but that’s about all they have in common. Our local ladies aren’t lounging in caftans, planning brunches on their own behalf. No, they’re wearing “Goth State Fair” couture to eat greasy Frito pies in a swanky house.

They mix with other moneyed swells in their hifalutin “charity world,” as lead Dallas housewife LeeAnne Locken always refers to it, but the main women on this version of the Bravo series don’t pretend to act high class. They regularly cuss like bouncers and backstab like high school mean girls. They put fake dog poo on luncheon hats and swap stories about which of them once got drunk enough to foul her own trousers.

In this week’s seventh of 10 episodes, the housewives still act trashy while doing some nice charity things. Viewers elsewhere who don’t know better must watch this show and think women in Dallas do nothing but drink, curse, reapply blusher, and attend charity functions.

At one event, we finally get to hear housewife Tiffany Hendra’s cute musician husband Aaron sing with his band in a fundraising concert at House of Blues. It’s a Tiffany-planned benefit for Light Up Tomorrow, which provides lighting and solar power in schools and orphanages in East Africa. (Aaron knows he’s a straightening-ironed ringer for Keith Urban. His Twitter handle is @MrKeithSuburban.)

To discuss charity parties yet to come, LeeAnne meets Tiffany at Toulouse bistro on Knox Street, where she introduces her to art collector and designer Heidi Dillon. In her to-the-camera confessional, LeeAnne talks about Heidi with such reverence, it’s as if she’s arranged a papal blessing for Tiff.

We see Tiffany and LeeAnne shop for used dresses at the Clothes Circuit consignment shop in Preston Center. Contrast their bargain-hunting with Cary Deuber being given yet another skintight Roberto Cavalli gown by her indulgent (second) husband Dr. Mark, who says the latest dress “cost more than my first car.” He makes her model it for him (and the camera) and then rushes to get it off of her.

Every word Mark utters to Cary alludes to sexual activity he’d like to be engaging in. Is there such a thing as marital sexual harassment? We get it, doc, you’re hot for your (second) wife. Every conversation doesn’t have to sound like a letter to Penthouse.

Last week’s RHOD featured uncomfortably real marital discord between the red-haired couple, Brandi and Bryan Redmond. She feels neglected during his long business trips. He walked out on dinner. This week he apologizes over drinks at Whiskey Cake Kitchen.

“If you give me attention, I will love you,” Brandi says to Bryan. This explains everything about Brandi and Bryan.

Cut to Brandi back at the Redmond mansion helping her ginger-haired kids with vocabulary words. “`Could,’” says Brandi, looking over her daughter’s spelling homework. “I could have some Jesus juice right now.” Brandi giggles, but she means it.

Making a splashy cameo in this episode, Heidi Dillon hosts the aforementioned Goth-themed Frito pie soiree that brings all the ladies together for some passive-aggressive hugging and side-eye throwing. Clueless giraffe Stephanie Hollman blinks blankly at Heidi, who has gossiped to Tiff and LeeAnne that Cary first met Mark “under his desk.”

Heidi, sly minx that she is, taunts Cary to do orally suggestive things to a corndog. Cary refuses and then makes like a banana and splits.

LeeAnne gobbles Frito pie (she grew up a carny kid, remember) and gives big face at Heidi’s dinner party. She’s “branding” her over-use of fuchsia blusher, by the way, by coming out with her own called “Cheeky.” Saw it on Twitter.

If there’s one thing a Bravo “housewife” loves to do it’s build a brand. Hello, Skinny Girl, Tipsy Girl, and Ramona Pinot Grigio — all spin-off brands from cast members on RHONY. RHOD’s main sponsor, we notice, is a bladder leakage-control product. Don’t see any of the ladies rushing to get their names on that.

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Real Housewives of Dallas airs at 9 pm. Mondays on Bravo. You can also watch episodes online.