Baptisms, boogers and family business take center stage on this week's Big RichTexas
Because Leslie Birkland is now convinced that Kalyn Braun’s recent illness was due to promiscuity, she decides to step it up as a godmother.
Of course it can be difficult to find the right words to encourage a wayward 18-year-old, but Leslie fails epically with this blunt delivery.
I just wonder about your moral compass. You’ve just developed a little bit of a reputation. A reputation as being a slut. If you can just dedicate yourself to actually be moral and all of your actions, base it on morality.
She tells Kalyn that she is arranging to have her baptized. Because baptism makes one less slutty?
I’ve just been your godmother. I was just appointed that but there was no official ceremony.
Kalyn (and Leslie, if we’re being honest) seems confused about the process of, and the meaning behind, baptism, “Is Leslie crazy? This is my punishment — being drowned in a pool?”
She doesn’t get fully into the baptism scene until she realizes there’s a new dress involved. She tries on several, but it’s the short, strapless one that screams purity. And things are looking up until Les announces that Kalyn’s bio mom will be at the ceremony.
This week, Bonnie and Jason meet Booger’s strikingly normal parents. But because their son wore a fedora and airbrushed faux tuxedo tee to the dinner, there must be something unusual below the surface. However, it’s actually Bon who turns out to be the weird one: “I teach biochemistry. I love parasites.” She wraps up the night with a compliment.
You have a wonderful son. And he, like, pet-u-ates don’t judge a book by its cover.
Bon, it’s “perpetuates.”
On the day of Kalyn’s outdoor baptism, a storm sweeps through Dallas. With thunder booming in all directions, the pastor and Kalyn, wearing her new dress, get in the pool while the wet guests look on.
The preacher explains that when she puts Kalyn under water and brings her back up, it’s a new start. But she only half-dipped Kalyn, leaving her face above water. Do over? Guess not. The preacher lady released the doves, and no one called a technical foul.
During the baptism party, Kalyn’s estranged mother approaches her with a less-than-eloquent, but nonetheless valid point.
With you getting baptized today and putting the past behind you, I thought we could try to start a fresh start.
Told you so. The half-dunk left Kalyn the same little brat she was 10 minutes ago.
Today is my day. You come in when it’s my day to shine.
One thing leads to another, and Kalyn begins to shout at Terry with all guests looking on. Kalyn darts into the street; Leslie and Terry follow. In a dramatic ending, Terry begs for a second chance. But we’ll have to wait until next week to find out if Kalyn is willing.
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