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    UT Football Bloopers

    Longhorns lie down for Ole Miss in latest game of Texas fold 'em

    Michael Corcoran
    Sep 15, 2013 | 1:01 pm

    Absolutely disgraceful, the way the Texas Longhorns played last night in Mack Brown’s final season as head coach. Losing at home 44-23 to an Ole Miss team they beat by 35 points last year on the road, these Horns have more wasted talent than the Viper Room at 3 am.

     

    Just for passing on future Heisman sensations Robert Griffin III and Johnny Manziel in favor of Garrett Gilbert and Connor Brewer, Brown’s future employment, at $5 million a year, should be questioned. But when you field a team of prized recruits — including the nation’s highest-rated defensive lineman (Jackson Jeffcoat), linebacker (Jordan Hicks) and running backs (Johnathan Gray and Malcolm Brown) — and you can’t beat anybody but low-hanging creampuffs, you’re outta there like Linda Blair.

     

     

      Mack Brown has overstayed his effectiveness like an arthritic crossing guard who just sits on his lawn chair and waves when the coast is clear.

     
     

    Thanks for the 2005 national championship, Coach Brown (cough, cough Vince Young), but you’ve overstayed your effectiveness like an arthritic crossing guard who just sits on his lawn chair and waves when the coast is clear. You’re so done you could form a duo with Brooks. Brown’s sacking of defensive coordinator Manny Diaz last week was like the family of Princess Di’s driver suing the guy who gave him directions. This is Mack Brown’s fault, this goody-goody air of entitlement at the House That Joe Jamail Built (cough, cough Texaco).

     

    Last night was Deja BYU all over again, as Ole Miss marched up and down the field in the first quarter against the Teflon D of Texas, scoring at will, like Gerard Butler at a Josh Groban concert. The folks at the table next to Manny Diaz at Buffalo Wild Wings asked him to pipe down three times.

     

    But then something truly strange and wonderful happened during this week’s game of Texas fold ’em. The Horns came back! The defense made a couple of stops and pounced on a fumble. Then, on offense, Johnathan the Gray Ghost started reminding us of another No. 32, darting low to the ground to pick up chunks of yardage.

     

    Texas tied it at 14 and had first and goal at the 2, but then one of the heavily tattooed young men of privilege jumped before the snap. First and 7. Then another tubby got the jitters. First and 12. After offensive coordinator Major Applevanilla called for a couple of 2-yard pass plays, the Horns had to send in the Sandusky refugee for a 30-yard field goal.

     

    After the first half closed with a field goal by Ole Miss that was delivered in a tote bag by Adrian “you can’t spell DUMB without DB” Phillips, Texas led 23-17 and would get the ball back to start the third quarter. Diaz left a nice tip (he did, after all, make about $26,000 while watching that first half) and went home thinking maybe it was his fault. The old Texas was back!

     

    Austin was originally named Waterloo. Did you know that? The second half of last night’s game was Mack Brown’s Waterloo. Mississippi scored 27 points in the half, while Texas put up points to equal the number of children Liza Minnelli had with David Gest. Interesting to note than not one person in Texas made the point that college players should be paid while watching last night’s game. Meanwhile, Ole Miss fans were wondering if they could pay their players more.

     

     

      In the area of dreadfulness, the Texas offensive line was especially bumbling, being pushed around like they were fans between Justin Bieber and the bathroom.

     
     

    In the area of dreadfulness, there was much to go around, but the Texas offensive line was especially bumbling, being pushed around like they were fans between Justin Bieber and the bathroom. After studding-out in the first half, they ended up creating holes the Barton Springs salamander couldn’t slither through. Two trenchmen went down with injuries, let’s be fair about that, but there was 6-foot-6, 320-pound Desmond Harrison just standing on the sidelines, rarin’ to come in. That’s the danger of gaining eligibility through online courses: He couldn’t remember his password.

     

    When Ole Miss started the second half with two 80-yard touchdown drives, UT answered with a pair of three-and-outs. Wide receiver Mike Davis was limping like Chester from Gunsmoke, and he stayed in the game to give Case McCoy the sense of security booze gives to the Lohan family. The vaunted McCoy-to-Shipley II had a couple of nice hookups, but the slimmed-down Major Eggwhites kept burning the first two downs with one-yard plunges. He’s got the imagination of a bricklayer into Bon Jovi.

     

    On defense, the Horns again couldn’t cover the corners, with all the linebackers and DEs bunched in like the center dropped a Beyonce sex tape. I’ve seen better pursuit on a “Cops” blooper reel. And on offense, the big boys up front played like they’ve never seen a weight room.

     

    Before the game, the big news from Chip Brown of Orangestool was that DeLoss Dodds was hanging up the Lou Holtz hairpiece at the end of the year. It’s likely that Mackovic Brown, because UT’s paying him anyway and he’s a helluva nice guy, will step into the athletics director job. Sorry, women’s volleyball, that’s the way it has to be.

     

    We’re going to need a new head football coach at the end of what looks to be a 4-9 season. Someone who bases his coaching style on the first half of Full Metal Jacket.

    Jaxon Shipley had six catches for 83 yards, but Texas burned downs with one-yard runs.

    Longhorn Jaxon Shipley
      
    Photo courtesy of UT Athletics
    Jaxon Shipley had six catches for 83 yards, but Texas burned downs with one-yard runs.
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    Basketball News

    Cooper Flagg is the new Maine man for the Dallas Mavericks

    Associated Press
    Jun 26, 2025 | 8:55 am
    Cooper Flagg
    Getty Images
    Cooper Flagg, newest Dallas Mavericks pick

    Cooper Flagg is the new Maine man in Dallas. The Mavericks took the Duke forward with the No. 1 pick in the NBA draft on June 25, hoping they have found their next franchise superstar less than five months after trading one away.

    Mavericks fans were furious when Dallas traded Luka Doncic to the Los Angeles Lakers on February 1, some immediately threatening to end their support of the team.

    But the ones who stuck around may quickly love Flagg, the college player of the year who averaged 19.2 points and 7.5 rebounds while leading Duke to the Final Four. The Mavericks quickly announced that Flagg would wear No. 32 in Dallas, where fellow Duke products Kyrie Irving and Dereck Lively II are on the roster.

    “I’m really excited. I think I keep saying I’m excited to be a sponge, to get down there and just learn, be surrounded by Hall of Fame-caliber guys and just to be able to learn from them,” Flagg said. “It’s going to be an incredible experience.”

    His selection — considered likely ever since Flagg showed off his considerable game last summer after being invited to the U.S. Olympic team's training camp — was a daylong celebration in his home state for the 18-year-old forward from Newport, Maine.

    “It means a lot to me to have the support of the whole state. I know how many people showed up today and supported me at some of the draft parties back home,” Flagg said. “It feels amazing knowing I can inspire younger kids. I was in their shoes really not that long ago, so just to know I can give those kids those feelings and have the whole state behind me, it means a lot.”

     Cooper Flagg Basketball up-and-comer Cooper FlaggGetty Images

    The backstory
    Dallas Mavericks CEO Rick Welts wasn't thinking even for a second about Cooper Flagg when he started a staff meeting before the draft lottery by saying the club was entering the most important offseason in franchise history.

    The longtime NBA executive and relatively new leader on the business side of the Mavs was thinking about the lingering fallout of the widely reviled Luka Doncic trade, not the club turning a 1.8% chance into winning the rights to draft the teenaged star from Duke.

    “Never, ever did anybody in our organization ever even say what would happen if we win. That's a waste of time,” Welts told The Associated Press recently. “Like, it's unbelievable. It was hard to even get your head around.”

    The self-inflicted wounds were numerous after general manager Nico Harrison's stunning decision to send Doncic to the Los Angeles Lakers for Anthony Davis in early February.

    Fans were incensed. Season-ticket holders were canceling. Potential new sponsors were telling Welts they'd have to think about it.
    Just like that, the Mavs had a vision to sell of a potential superstar who could someday be the face of the franchise — as Doncic was, and fellow European superstar Dirk Nowitzki before him. Just like that, despair turned to hope for plenty of people, including those under Welts who had spent weeks dealing with the wrath of a spurned fan base.

    Before the Doncic trade, Welts had already made a decision to raise season-ticket prices. He told the AP he had to back off on the size of the increase as he watched the visceral reaction unfold.

    Welts has seen plenty in nearly 50 years with the NBA, including time in the league office and stints with Phoenix and Golden State. That's not to say the Doncic fallout didn't have a profound impact on the 72-year-old Welts, who had come out of retirement to replace Cynt Marshall just a month and a half earlier. It just means he has weathered a few storms.

    And now the Naismith Basketball Hall of Famer isn't so sure he's ever seen the sun come back out so quickly.

    “The thing that I learned through all of this experience was what I knew was like this amazing emotional tie between this team and these fans was even stronger than I think anybody who hadn’t lived here and been a part of it could ever imagine,” Welts said. “Just the outpouring of pure joy and the idea of a generational player that could change our fortunes for the next 15 years would land with us by pure luck.”

    Part of what made the Doncic deal so hard to believe was unloading a 25-year-old superstar in his prime nine months after leading Dallas to the NBA Finals for the first time in 13 years. The Mavs lost to Boston in five games last June.

    Harrison's reasoning was prioritizing defense, and his belief that Davis and Irving were a good enough tandem to keep Dallas as a championship contender. Flagg's potential gave that notion a boost.

    “I feel like I’m a broken record, but the team that we intended to put on the floor, which you guys saw for 2 1/2 quarters, that’s a championship-caliber team,” Harrison said. “And so you might not like it, but that’s the fact, it is.”

    Welts, who believes the Mavs have work to do to bring their basketball and business sides together, will spend plenty of time during the early days of the Flagg era sharing his vision for a new arena.

    It's a big reason Welts took the job, after spending seven years with Golden State on an arena plan that moved the Warriors across the bay to San Francisco from Oakland. He says all the talks are focused on keeping the team in Dallas.

    While the casino-centered Adelson and Dumont families of Las Vegas, in the middle of their second full year as owners of the Mavs, wanted gambling to be part of the formula for a new arena, the political realities in Texas have shifted the focus away from that idea for now.

    There's a new focus for Welts in what seems certain will be the final stop in an eventful NBA career: building everything around another potentially generational star after the Mavs jettisoned the one they had.

    “Don't make this sound like I'm suggesting that everyone is forgiven,” Welts said. “Luka will always be a big part of what this organization is. But for a large number of fans, it is a pathway — it's not a pathway, it's like a four-lane highway into being able to care about the Mavericks the way they cared about the Mavericks before.”

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