Timothy Oulton trades his ello for a howdy at his U.S. flagship on HendersonAvenue

When I saw the Timothy Oulton store at the corner of Henderson Avenue and Central Expressway, I thought, “Holy crap. This is going to be awesome.” The first thing I spied (or it might just be the first item imprinted on my brain) was a Union Jack couch. An entire couch with a gigantic Union Jack flag on it? So freaking rad.

I was pumped. If that was piece no. 1, what else might be in store? A rattlesnake chandelier? Yes. A magenta anything? Double yes. American flag potholders? Absolutely not. Get the eff out of here. No one even needs you, potholders.

But back to Timothy Oulton and what I thought I’d find. I imagined there would be some calfskin throw rugs and some distressed leather sit-abouts. (He’s British, so I can only imagine he says things like “sit-abouts” and “roust-a-loos.” Which are rowdy bathrooms, by the way.) Those things were there, but all the other radical prints and patterns I’d been dreaming of? Painfully absent. Thanks a lot, Timothy Oulton.

Timothy Oulton (the store, not the man) is a bit like Restoration Hardware, only the furniture is even more oversized. It’s as if Paul Bunyun himself fashioned ottomans out of his toes. (They’re that big.) There is, however, a very good reason why Oulton’s store looks a lot like Restoration Hardware II: Even More Restored. He’s been selling some of his pieces there for years.

Now, I could make you guess which ones, but I wrote this days ago, and sound doesn’t travel back in time. Not even if you’re Michael J. Fox wearing a puffy vest. So — spoiler alert — the Timothy Oulton pieces for Restoration Hardware are airplane-inspired.

One is a desk that looks like a wing, and the other is a wardrobe-y cabinet thing. Both are wrapped in aluminum with rivets along the seam. You can find these in his Henderson Avenue store as well, and, yes, they’re very cool. But I’ve seen them before, so much like Shania Twain said, “That don’t impress-ah me much.”

It’s not that his furniture isn’t incredible. It is. It’s just not what I was expecting — which leads to expectations, which leads to letdowns, which leads to ... an Oedipus complex or something. The point is, the “first” Timothy Oulton piece I saw was that little stunner, the Union Jack couch. So I wanted to see more of that.

Instead I came across a lot of big, beautiful pieces that were more manly than a patch of chest hair. They were covered in rich velvet, washed canvas and some of the finest leather I’d ever laid eyes on. I also found unique lighting made of metal with crystal danglies in the middle. And tables made from petrified wood encased in resin, which were so amazing I have to sound it out – ah-maz-ing. So if that’s what you’re looking for, you’re in for an eye feast. And Timothy Oulton is banking on it.

You see, this is the first stand-alone Timothy Oulton store ever to land on U.S. soil. Which makes a ton of sense, because as a city (and entire state), our design aesthetic is so similar. Oulton makes furniture that is both elegant and rustic. We buy furniture that is both elegant and rustic. We’re also a stylish city, if you overlook the occasional clown-stripe culotte.

Plus we love our flag as much as he loves his. Oulton knows this. He’s transformed his signature Union Jack into our Lone Star and stripes. In the Dallas shop you’ll find Texas flag pillows and ottomans. And, for that alone, I say, “Timothy, you magnificent bastard.”