Blame Martha Stewart
Martha Stewart’s joining Match.com wasn’t just an excuse for Saturday Night Live to suggest that she’s a horny lady looking for “the simple elegance of a good bang.” It also allowed her to narrow down more than 1,000 potential suitors to two, with whom she showed up on the Today Show last week.
Now that Stewart is working on her game of mini-Bachelorette, Match.com is riding the marketing wave by releasing the results of a poll regarding which celebrity America wants to see as the next star single on the site.
Among 1,000 singles polled, more than 34 percent said they would like to see Jennifer Lawrence on Match.com. That is too bad, because Jennifer Lawrence is already dating me.
In second place is Ryan Seacrest at 28 percent, a solid choice for his $200 million net worth and for the opportunity to go to Times Square on New Year’s Eve.
In a serious stretch of the word “celebrity,” Bethenny Frankel, one of the Real Housewives and honestly who cares what else, came in third with 21 percent, because apparently some guys were really into He-Man back in the day and want to see what Snake Mountain looks like from the inside.
Rounding out the top four is Jamie Foxx. I don’t have a lot to say; the dude is just talented. Way more talented than, say, Bethenny Frankel.
More baffling than the randomness of this list is how Jennifer Lawrence didn’t get all of the votes.