Martha Stewart’s joining Match.com wasn’t just an excuse for Saturday Night Live to suggest that she’s a horny lady looking for “the simple elegance of a good bang.” It also allowed her to narrow down more than 1,000 potential suitors to two, with whom she showed up on the Today Show last week.
Now that Stewart is working on her game of mini-Bachelorette, Match.com is riding the marketing wave by releasing the results of a poll regarding which celebrity America wants to see as the next star single on the site.
Among 1,000 singles polled, more than 34 percent said they would like to see Jennifer Lawrence on Match.com. That is too bad, because Jennifer Lawrence is already dating me.
In second place is Ryan Seacrest at 28 percent, a solid choice for his $200 million net worth and for the opportunity to go to Times Square on New Year’s Eve.
In a serious stretch of the word “celebrity,” Bethenny Frankel, one of the Real Housewives and honestly who cares what else, came in third with 21 percent, because apparently some guys were really into He-Man back in the day and want to see what Snake Mountain looks like from the inside.
Rounding out the top four is Jamie Foxx. I don’t have a lot to say; the dude is just talented. Way more talented than, say, Bethenny Frankel.
More baffling than the randomness of this list is how Jennifer Lawrence didn’t get all of the votes.
More than 34 percent of Match.com users surveyed said Jennifer Lawrence is the celebrity they'd most like to see on the site.
Photo by Jason Merritt Getty Images
More than 34 percent of Match.com users surveyed said Jennifer Lawrence is the celebrity they'd most like to see on the site.
Of all the formulaic movie genres, Christmas/holiday movies are among the most predictable. No matter what the problem is that arises between family members, friends, or potential romantic partners, the stories in holiday movies are designed to give viewers a feel-good ending even if the majority of the movie makes you feel pretty bad.
That’s certainly the case in Oh. What. Fun., in which Michelle Pfeiffer plays Claire, an underappreciated mom living in Houston with her inattentive husband, Nick (Denis Leary). As the film begins, her three children are arriving back home for Christmas: The high-strung Channing (Felicity Jones) is married to the milquetoast Doug (Jason Schwartzman); the aloof Taylor (Chloë Grace Moretz) brings home yet another new girlfriend; and the perpetual child Sammy (Dominic Sessa) has just broken up with his girlfriend.
Each of the family members seems to be oblivious to everything Claire does for them, especially when it comes to what she really wants: For them to nominate her to win a trip to see a talk show in L.A. hosted by Zazzy Tims (Eva Longoria). When she accidentally gets left behind on a planned outing to see a show, Claire reaches her breaking point and — in a kind of Home Alone in reverse — she decides to drive across the country to get to the show herself.
Written and directed by Michael Showalter (The Idea of You), and co-written by Chandler Baker (who wrote the short story on which the film is based), the movie never establishes any kind of enjoyable rhythm. Each of the characters, including competitive neighbor Jeanne (Joan Chen), is assigned a character trait that becomes their entire personality, with none of them allowed to evolve into something deeper.
The filmmakers lean hard into the idea that Claire is a person who always puts her family first and receives very little in return, but the evidence presented in the story is sketchy at best. Every situation shown in the film is so superficial that tension barely exists, and the (over)reactions by Claire give her family members few opportunities to make up for their failings.
The most interesting part of the movie comes when Claire actually makes it to the Zazzy Sims show. Even though what happens there is just as unbelievable as anything else presented in the story, Showalter and Baker concoct a scene that allows Claire and others to fully express the central theme of the film, and for a few minutes the movie actually lives up to its title.
Pfeiffer, given her first leading role since 2020’s French Exit, is a somewhat manic presence, and her thick Texas accent and unnecessary voiceover don’t do her any favors. It seems weird to have such a strong supporting cast with almost nothing of substance to do, but almost all of them are wasted, including Danielle Brooks in a blink-and-you'll-miss-it cameo. The lone exception is Longoria, who is a blast in the few scenes she gets.
Oh. What. Fun. is far from the first movie to try and fail at becoming a new holiday classic, but the pedigree of Showalter and the cast make this dismal viewing experience extra disappointing. Ironically, overworked and underappreciated moms deserve a much better story than the one this movie delivers.
